Baptism by fire

Guys! Guys, Guys, Guys!! I climbed a mountain.

Emei Mountain to be precise. I deserve... I don't know what I deserve, but I know a medal ain't gonna cut it. 1st of all, many of you who know me well (or even just a little) may know that I'm not an 'outdoorsie' person. That's not to say I'm not athletic - I enjoy sports and am actually very competitive. Haha 'actually'. But you know what I'm trying to say. Many a loved one has tried to convince me to go 'camping' or 'hiking' or 'to a festival' and, sorry people, but with my hygiene standards, not showering for up to 2 days is just not an option. And don't even start with that shared facilities bull cause I can hear you, Martin, and it's just never happening.

2nd reason why this is a considerable feat - the mountain is considerably high. Like, 10,000 ft high. It's really f'in high. And we climbed it in 2 days. 2 d.a.y.s. All the Chinese people were like 'whhhhaaattt' even we were kind of like 'ooommmgggg'. Most people climbed for 3 days. On the first day alone we climbed uphill (of course, because it's a mountain) for 10 hours. There were some 'downhill' bits, but one thing I learned is that, in mountain climbing, down must always be paid for with up. And there was considerable up. There was this one bit, called 'The 99 turns', and we were all like "oh, that's just a name, it must be an exaggeration", but it wasn't an exaggeration, there were actually 99 turns, and every time you turned, into the frickin mist, there were more stairs, and the stairs just never ended, and if I ever have a nightmare again, I just know it's going to be about steps. Going up. Never ending. Steps. *shudder*

Starting off on our journey

We thought this was the summit at one point.
It wasn't.

This was though

Monkeeeeys. Baby monkeeeyyyss

But it was also fun, there were monkeys that stole things from people, and lots of pretty scenery to look at. But I think in the end we were just so focused on getting to the top of the bloody thing that we may have forgotten parts of the enjoyment ESPECIALLY AS IT WAS INSISTED UPON THAT WE TAKE THE LONG WAY AROUND WITH NO DRIVING/CABLE-CARING TO HELP US WHICH MEANT WALKING 32KM ON THE FIRST DAY BECAUSE OTHERWISE WE WOULD MISS THE COOLEST STUFF AND WHAT WOULD BE THE POINT. Not that I'm blaming anyone.

We took the left (really long, windy) path and stayed at the temple just across the bridge (YuXian Temple) on the first night.

Staying in a monastery was an interesting experience. We essentially had to stay in their basement as we got there pretty late, and shared a row of floor mattresses with about 15 other people. Some ladies tried to kick up a fuss that they didn't want to share a room with boys, and tried to get someone to persuade me to be a buffer between them and these young, very innocent and friendly Chinese lads. Luckily, this is where I was able to employ my ever-handy skill of 'pretend you don't speak Chinese and ignore all the Chinese people'. It worked. I got to sleep at the end :). The lights stayed on and there were bugs EVERYWHERE, but we got to lie down for about 11 hours so there wasn't really too much to complain about.

A temple emerges from the mist

The second day only involved a moderate 7 hours of climbing, and the night was much more comfortably spent in a hotel. To be fair, after all that walking I did feel like I had earned the sunrise so accurately portrayed in the map above, unlike the tons of Chinese people who just got driven up on the day, then took the cable car to the top. Some people walked for a couple of hours from the car park near the top and more than a few of them had the nerve to actually complain on the way up. And the way down! Let's just say Chinese people walk how they drive - they don't know what they're doing and should stop immediately and leave it to the professionals. I didn't know it was possible to have an entire nation of slow walkers. It didn't help that half of the stopped in inappropriate places, missing the designated rest stops only to walk 5 steps and decide to take a break on the steps. And I swear to God, if one more person had stopped us (and by us I mean Luke) to take a picture or pointed out the fact that we were, indeed, foreigners, I don't think my pilgrimage would have ended in such a holy and spectacular way.

10 THINGS I LEARNT BY CLIMBING A MOUNTAIN

1. No pain no gain - sure you could just pay to drive/cable-car you 9/10ths of the way, but that would make you a tourist, not a mountain climber. Nothing makes those, views, temples and sunrises taste more like victory than walking 50km to earn them.

2. Climbing up 3000 metres in 17 hours over 2 days may be considered lunacy by some.

But f*** the haters, do things your way.

3. Take in the scenery - you've got a long way to go in a short space of time, but it's a marathon (trust me) not a sprint. Besides, photo stops = leg stops.

4. Altitude sickness is a real thing

5. Take the path less traveled - avoid the crowds/Chinese masses, meet some intrepid explorers like yourself and climb it together. Believe me, you'll need the mutual encouragement.

We made it! Taking a break at the cable-car stop

6. People who sell food at tourists attractions have a monopoly and are usually running some sort of cartel.Take double the amount of money you need when travelling, and that should just about cover it.

7. Don't stop drinking water. Ever. It's not like you're ever going to need to pee. 

8. Stretch and massage EVERY muscle before bed for at least 4 days during and after strenuous activity. Leave no stone un-turned. You'll regret it if you do.

9. Eat anything; sleep anywhere (courtesy of Luke)

10. There are only so many rites of passage one can partake in in life. Take every opportunity that presents itself, even if it turns out to be a baptism by fire.